Focus. Work hard. Strive for greatness. Fail. Over and over again. Welcome adversity. Fuck the haters.
And smile at your progress.
Pulp Fiction (1994) dir. Quentin Tarantino
My life’s over now. I dunno what to do right now. I thought my family had my back, but I guess they dont. I dont even wanna be here right now in this cell. They lockin me up like I’m an animal, talkin bout signing confession papers or some shit. I ain’t doing that. I dont even know whats going on. How do I even get a lawyer around here?
I thought Claire was gonna be coo when my folks told her to keep her mouth shut about the whole thing. I can’t help it…I just cant. I know it aint normal to be wanting seven year old girls but I cant help it. I tried to resist everyday.
But that time when I got that iddy-biddy alone to in the bathroom, that was it. That was it.
I told Jim and Claire I was sorry and I needed help. I went to therapy like they told me to and I thought everything was coo after that but I guess I was wrong. That bitch had to run away and I knew she was gonna call the Po’Po on my ass and I was right. They came and cuffed me and shoved me in the car like a pig at a slaughterhouse. I don’t know what I did wrong when all I was doing was trying to get help. That bitch cray. Jim, I’m real sorry for him tho. I dont know if he really got my back now after I told him wassup. I think he mad at me still.
All I can do is worry about whats next. I hope my fams got my back, I dont wanna stay here forever. I was suppose to start my new job this week but I guess I’m gonna be fired. And my therapy sessions? I dont even know what gonna go down with that. Tomorrow, I’m going to court so I hope they can find me innocent. I’m just tryna do good by my family and live my life.
Child molestation is a topic that infuriates me when it is brought up. It is grotesque. The thought of child molestation makes me cringe whenever I think of a defenseless child in the presence of a fucked-up-in-the-head individual. It actually makes me want to grab a baseball bat and go Babe Ruth on some pedophiles, but that’s a whole different ballgame in itself.
But what makes it even worse is when people keep a tight lip on the situation as if there is something larger to lose. Let me be clear when I say that no one loses more than the child being molested. Not the mother or father of the child, not the offender, not anyone connected to the child.
In this story, a Hmong family with strong family ties are faced with a situation they’re unable to escape from. They all live under the same roof and preach that all family issues would be kept within the family without outside interference. Even in extreme cases, Hmongs are required to keep their mouths shut until a viable solution is present. Unfortunately, one of the family members raped his niece, and everyone’s dignity was called to the table as they tried to cover up the crime. When the situation was no longer containable, Claire (the mother of the child) ran away and called the police to report the rape.
I’m not sure if I’ll be adding any more characters to the story, but this is the current roster of characters.
Don - The child molester, younger brother
Daughter - The victim, Daughter to Jim and Claire
Jim - Older brother, married to Claire, father to Daughter
Claire - Married to Jim, mother to Daughter
Mother - the mother of Don and Jim, victim’s grandmother, married to Father
Father - The Father of Don and Jim, victim’s grandfather, married to Mother
This story is written in blog/letter form from one character to the next. I hope you enjoy and take something from these pieces. The rest of them can be found here.
How could that daughter-in-law, Claire, be so inconsiderate? She knows Don did not do a thing to her child. For her to be running off like that and calling the cops on my innocent Don…she’s going to get it, alright. Spreading rumors and lies about this family will only put her in a deeper hole. The spirits and the ancestors are telling me that something big is going to happen to Claire. I know just know it. No one messes with this family and gets away with it.
Because of her, now I’m going to have to borrow money from people and sell all of my valuables to get Don lawyer. I always knew she was trouble; Jim should have never married her in the first place. Her family always spat in our faces, and she continues to do so today. Jim deserves a wife who is loyal and doesn’t stir up problems like this. Once everything settles down, I’m going to Claire’s family leaders and tell them that they owe me money for the treachery that they’ve brought upon my family. My family should not be humiliated by theirs like this.
Screw this damn family. All of them! I can’t believe they let their son do that to my daughter. That Ron, he deserves to burn in hell. Because of him, my baby is going to be messed up in the head forever. I don’t know why I didn’t leave sooner…I should have for the sake of my children’s safety. And because I didn’t, I am now paying the price. I am now charged with being an irresponsible mother, and who knows next for me legally.
Jim, I am sorry for leaving you but I needed to. Everything was too much for me…your family is crazy! Your mom is constantly talking shit about me and giving me dirty looks. Your dad doesn’t ever talk to me. You never spend any time with me because you’re so busy at work. And why didn’t we have our own place together? We’re MARRIED!! If we did, Don wouldn’t be living with us and our daughter wouldn’t have been molested. I’m tired of the whole culture thing…we didn’t need to be living with your parents especially after being married for the last seven years.
I’m glad I called the cops on Don. He deserved it for messing up our lives. When the doctor told me yesterday that our baby has been raped, I died inside a little. I couldn’t believe that we put our daughter in such a dangerous position…with that monster, Don. I’m glad he’s locked up! I don’t care. If you love me and the kids, you would be with us. But you’re not. I don’t know what you’re thinking…but please make the right decision for us. For the family that really needs you right now.
Another hangover. Fuck this. Gimme another one. Gotta keep drowning. I don’t know what the hell is going to happen next, but I sure as hell don’t wanna be sober when it happens.
Claire…how you gon’ betray me? I thought we were together in this marriage. You gon’ leave and take my two kids, and you gon’ call the cops on Ron? Ron’s just a kid! He don’t know no better! You promised me that we would keep this hush-hush and get nobody else involved. Now you got the cops coming into the picture? And CPS? The hell is wrong with you?
My daughter…I don’t know what she’s going through right now. She’s only seven. She won’t talk to me. I don’t know who to believe. My brother admitted to touching her, but that’s it. My parents are thinkin’ Claire just tryin’ to start drama in the family ‘cause she don’t want us to live under their roof. I just got a text from Claire, sayin’ that the doctors found evidence that my little girl was raped…
Fuck. What do I do? I still love Claire, but I hate her for making me choose her & the kids OR my family. I know we married and shit, but Hmong families are supposed to help each other out and be together. Now she gone and spread rumors about this family, and what am I supposed to do? This is too much for me.
This daughter-in-law of mine has lost her mind. Who the hell does she think she is, running away from my son and this family? I allowed her and Jim to live here with us under this roof, and that’s all the thanks I get. Why did she take her kids, my grandchildren, and go to the police? She has no right telling the police that Ron molested her daughter…MY granddaughter!
Ron wouldn’t do that. I put my life on it. He’s young and barely out of high school…but he wouldn’t do that! He’s not a sick pedophile. Ron wouldn’t disrespect his older brother, Jim, like that. And now he is in chains…he must be so scared. The cops are probably torturing him in that jail cell, forcing him to admit guilt for something he didn’t do. Ron wouldn’t dare put his junk in a seven year old girl.
Curse you, Claire, you horrible excuse for a daughter-in-law. May the ancestors curse you with horrible future births. Our Hmong ways will make sure that you endure the horrors of seeing your future children die upon childbirth. You think you’re so smart with your American ways. You will pay for putting Ron behind bars. Jim better not take you back or chase after you either, because if he does…you’re both finished.
I’ve become a shell of my former self, and it’s sickening how far I’ve fallen. Five miles used to be a trip I’d jog three or four times out of the week. Now, I’m in love
again with food and can’t to seem to stop thinking about what food porn-worthy dishes I can concoct on any given night. Putting the blame on my studies isn’t the right thing to do, is it? Perhaps it’s the too-many-hours playing games that I should give up in place of a good workout regimen. Maybe, just maybe, it’s because I am now emotionally stable again after finding (dare I say it) love, thus negating my need to chase? (literally and metaphorically speaking)
Balance is the key. I know. In the meantime, I’ll start with my intake. Gotta break out of this shell sooner or later.